making fun of church splits...

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » September 13th, 2006, 4:43 pm

Let's start with a fictitious church name and start some splits. you have to come up with a reason to split (short couple sentences or less) and then a new abbreviation/acronym for your group. You don't have to split from the original organization I will post, but you need to split from a parent or child organization from the root, at least. In other words, not everyone needs to split from the same one.

God's Bride (GB). Proudly believing in the portions of scripture that suit us best!

BTW - this is for HUMOR, please don't get all realistic and innuendo-y

Jennifer Smith · Postby **Jennifer Smith** » September 13th, 2006, 4:57 pm

Well, I have a problem with that right off the bat. I believe in agreeing with ALL or at least all the NEW TESTAMENT portions of scripture.. so I am splitting off and forming the Spotless Bride Church, (not to be confused with the wrinkled spotted God's Bride Church.)

Pastor Bill · Postby **Pastor Bill** » September 14th, 2006, 2:47 am

I get to be Overseer right? Rambo, if not I'll leave and take my whole church (5 members) with me, and we'll be the GFB (God's First Bride, the rest of you are just trying to put God in a double marriage, and you know that ain't right!

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » September 14th, 2006, 7:56 am

Jennifer Smith wrote:Well, I have a problem with that right off the bat. I believe in agreeing with ALL or at least all the NEW TESTAMENT portions of scripture.. so I am splitting off and forming the Spotless Bride Church, (not to be confused with the wrinkled spotted God's Bride Church.)

I am offended that you are referring to us as having wrinkles! Besides, we have more members than you, so there.

Pastor Bill wrote:I get to be Overseer right? Rambo, if not I'll leave and take my whole church (5 members) with me, and we'll be the GFB (God's First Bride, the rest of you are just trying to put God in a double marriage, and you know that ain't right!

no way could you be overseer, I have too much power, uhmmm, I mean anointing! and besides, GB will always be first, you are welcome to be a guest though.

TW · Postby TW » September 14th, 2006, 12:42 pm

Rambo, Jennifer, and PB, you can squabble about who is the first bride all you want. When your members (25 0f them) tire of the false claims they are welcome to come join us at my church, The First Love.

TW

Susie Hamilton · Postby **Susie Hamilton** » September 14th, 2006, 1:42 pm

I have the true Bride and will take all of your members that want to leave because we are The True Runaway Bride.....

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » September 14th, 2006, 3:59 pm

I have decided to leave GB, as I have studied and found out that the Bible is mostly true and that many of my followers will pay me their tithe if I start my own church that teaches that if they lay their hands on a Cadillac, and pray hard enough they will get it. We are God's Men church.

Jennifer Smith · Postby **Jennifer Smith** » September 14th, 2006, 4:05 pm

Well, I have a real problem with that because you used the word, "MEN" and didn't say anything about "WOMEN"! So I'm not only not attending, I won't come to your Prosperity Conference even though Creflo Dollar is going to be there! So There!

RamboPreacher · Postby **RamboPreacher** » September 14th, 2006, 4:29 pm

Jennifer Smith wrote:Well, I have a real problem with that because you used the word, "MEN" and didn't say anything about "WOMEN"! So I'm not only not attending, I won't come to your Prosperity Conference even though Creflo Dollar is going to be there! So There!

I guess that means that the spotless bride won't be merging with Gods Men anytime soon, then.

KiMmY · Postby **KiMmY** » September 14th, 2006, 6:47 pm

Well I'm the FFFG. First Flower Girls For God (since we're referencing brides and all brides need a flower girl) because kids are cute and Jesus said the little children will inherit the kingdom of heaven. So all you brides can fight amongst yourself but the kingdom is mine baby and I'm not sharing my toys.

curiouspk · Postby **curiouspk** » September 14th, 2006, 7:03 pm

Well if your won't share toys then I'm gonna spilt. We are the Holy ring bearers. So Na :evil:

Pastor Bill · Postby **Pastor Bill** » September 15th, 2006, 2:40 am

curiouspk wrote:Well if your won't share toys then I'm gonna spilt. We are the Holy ring bearers. So Na

OK, as long as we allow ring bearesses in the church, bear other holy objects like necklaces and bracelets too. otherwise I'll have to split and form the Holy object persons in proper order organization (HOPinPOO)

Paully_44 · Postby **Paully_44** » September 15th, 2006, 4:58 am

Pastor Bill wrote:OK, as long as we allow ring bearesses in the church, bear other holy objects like necklaces and bracelets too. otherwise I'll have to split and form the Holy object persons in proper order organization (HOPinPOO)

Well, that stinks!

I am going to split for no other reason that "Split Happens"

I think I'll call mychurch, The ROME
Righteous Ones Most Exclusive

YouTube · Postby **Daniel** » September 15th, 2006, 5:10 am

Paully_44 wrote:Well, that stinks!

I am going to split for no other reason that "Split Happens"

I think I'll call mychurch, The ROME
Righteous Ones Most Exclusive

Who needs you all?! :!:

I've decided to form my school of TUNA: The Unified Nazarites Assembly. Even Dolfan could be safe here!

dolfan · Postby **dolfan** » September 15th, 2006, 2:42 pm

Daniel wrote:
Paully_44 wrote:Well, that stinks!

I am going to split for no other reason that "Split Happens"

I think I'll call mychurch, The ROME
Righteous Ones Most Exclusive

Who needs you all?! I've decided to form my school of TUNA: The Unified Nazarites Assembly. Even Dolfan could be safe here!

Well, you can't call it TUNA, because that's the acronym for my alma mater, The University of North Alabama (because it is the only University of North Alabama, we alums like to refer to it with the royal "The"; we learned that from Ohio State :wink:

). So, I'm leaving your TUNA and forming Chicken of the Sea, a cutting edge church that likes to mix its metaphors for the sake of sounding trendy, and to present a non-threatening environment for landlubbers and seafarers to investigate segmented faith at its very best.

Jude 2