I need to hear from you women!

[Shellie]

Pastor Gary wrote:

It was NOT perfectly okay (boneheaded move, IMHO, and a younger-man's error... when I see my old high school classmates on Facebook I usually think "pretty well preserved for a gal our age." And, I think his wife's reaction might well have some jealousy at the root --- but, again. if he makes these kinds of moves often, she would have reason to be somewhat insecure and jealous.

Fully agree with this whole paragraph. I was simply weighing in on the discussion in general and not on Brian and his wife's exact situation. Perhaps I should have clarified.

But, that's a man's opinion so it is not valid.

If this is directly to me, I did not say that men's opinions were not valid, but simply meant that they all think the same way.

[darylscook]

Since guys have responded, I will chirp in too.

So you connect with on old ex-girlfriend online and tell her she's amazingly beautiful and then she becomes your friend on facebook. And, you are surprised that your wife doesn't want you to connect with her on a regular bases via facebook! I agree with your wife.


Pastor Daryl

[soulsearcher]

Do all women think the same way? I say definitely not. Neither do men.

[Shellie]

Do all women think the same way? I say definitely not. Neither do men.

I just keep getting deeper and deeper, don't I? Gotta love message boards.

You're right, I'm wrong. I should not have said all men think the same way. Better?

[Pastor Gary]

But, that's a man's opinion so it is not valid.

If this is directly to me, I did not say that men's opinions were not valid, but simply meant that they all think the same way.

No, it wasn't, at all. It was meant to suggest that, since he requested the opinions of women, I was picking up a dog by the ears, giving an unsolicited opinion.

[Ilovebigcats]

Cats, I so sympathize with you about the work load. It is tough. However, you are blessed to have a washer and dryer...a couple of kids old enough to help with all those chores, a stove to cook on, and now......a refrigerator that works...(oh by the way, that's where Danny has been)...lol

As for the man coming home and expecting something that his wife is too tired to give, remember the sermon I preached a while back on priorities in relationships. Nothing is more important than time with our spouse. I know, I know.....when do I get all this time? Well, I won't get into all that just yet....I usually get 120.00 an hour for this kind of advice lol

Danny is blessed to have a washer and dryer... a couple of kids old enough to help, a stove to cook on, and a refrigerator.. that I took the doors off of and the door off the house, shoved it in the hole all alone and got it set up and moved everything over.... wait... what was your point?

My point is this... marriage and the point of it have NOTHING to do with chores and household jobs. It has everything to do with putting time and effort into a functioning LIFE TOGETHER.

I am fully aware that I am SAHM and I have more household chores than Danny.. wait.. I have ALL the household chores except the dishes, putting away laundry, and the meals that Caetie does. If I need an extension cord.. I have to get it. If I need something put under the house... I have to do it. If I need the grass cut... I find someone to pay to do it.

Seriously... this house is NOT balanced... so yeah.. if Danny can sit here and tell a woman she is beautiful while I work circles around him cause he is "tired" from his desk job... then HECK YES he better mow the grass and paint my toenails to balance it out. Cause right now it is out of whack and not okay.

No offense Danny... just letting Ron see us girls side! And for everyone else.. he hasn't told a woman she is beautiful on the internet that I know of... a scene from the burning bed comes to mind if I ever hear of such!

Don't tell me about being blessed with appliances. I could make a tacky comment about women being blessed with the ability to buy appliances and not need a man at all. HA! Sometimes.. it is like caring for a needy child. Or even at time it is like carrying dead weight.

Step up, help out, sweet talk me... then we will both be happy. I can do some amazing things when I am happy at home. And yes.. you can take that exactly how you please.

[Ilovebigcats]

A wife being uncomfortable with a situation does NOT have to equal jealousy.

As a woman, with spiritual discernment, I may see something in a situation my husband does not. (just as a husband with discernment may keep me from trouble).

I have known this to happen more than once. Men are sometimes blind to seducing spirits. (females can be as well) A helpless single female that needs pastoral "spiritual" help...a sensitive man willing to listen to a tired wife's woes...you get the picture.

It is my job to watch out and protect my marriage, my home, my children and the ministry that involves them all. Satan desires to have all of these things. I have to be on my toes to guard against any satanic foothold.

If I am uncomfortable with a situation, it could equate spiritual discernment and not giving place to the devil instead of jealousy. Being aware of all dangers is not only wise, but Biblical.

Let's try to give Brian's wife a little credit here instead of marking her as a jealous wife with self-esteem issues.

You're my hero! Scooter, you better tell her she is perty darn cute.

[RaceRunner]

Meanwhile.....

Brian is now afraid to post on this thread...has deleted several old friends off of Facebook....hugged, kissed & apologized to his wife....and is either making plans for or getting all dolled up for that date he owes her.

[one love]

Brian I love ya Bro and you know that:)
Okay folks I just read this. I am going to say this plainly:

I SIDE WITH THE WOMAN 100% HERE PERIOD.

It is not jealousy at all!! This is one of his ex-girlfriends that started on one site then went to face book.

Call me an old fashion romantic, but these comments of “how beautiful someone is” is set aside for my wife ONLY. I love my wife and if I made this mistake and she expressed her feelings to me (which is not jealousy) I would do everything I could to show her that she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me and the MOST beautiful woman there is to me. I tell my wife that everyday BTW. Sometimes more than once.

We can flip this around she could have found a EX-BOYFRIEND and told him how hot he was, or how amazingly HOT he is....I would not like it at all! That is my wife, why would she make such a comment? (I do believe you did this innocently Brian so do not misunderstand) It is our job as a husband to let our wives know how much we love them, how beautiful they are and that they mean the world to us.

FOLKS here is the reality - people are having affairs on facebook and myspace ALL the time (with past friends, girlfriends and boyfriends.

I would not like it at all, does that make me jealous? NO!
I respect and love my wife enough to try my best to never make her feel this way or tell someone (other than her) that they are "amazingly beautiful" which could make her think: “Well, it started at classmates, now its on facebook, since he thinks she is SOOOO hot, has he lost the passion he had for me?” I know of a marriage right now that is being destroyed over these type comments (facebook and myspace). It may start out as innocent, then turn into flirting, it can and does go further ALL the time.

Brian I would tell your wife “that you did not mean to say this in the context that it was posted and will delete her as a friend just out of respect because you are my wife! You are the love of my life! You are the one I want to make happy. “

I could delete facebook, myspace, jude2, tcogtalk and all else if it would be a hinder to our marriage. that is the point.

AND EVERYONE STOP BLAMING THE WIFE FOR HOW SHE FEELS.

Again this goes both ways, if you think it is fine for your wife to tell her ex boyfriend that he is so amazingly hot, then to be honest you are not the majority. It can be dangerous to the marriage and the enemy would love nothing more than to destroy their relationship.

It is our job to consider our wives feelings and to be honest (call me whatever you please but I am a romantic) these comments are meant solely for our wives!

To put it in a spiritual aspect, would God like us to flirt or compliment other God's?

[beckrl]

Bad idea Brian, If your wife is anything like mind. Your body is her's not only your eyes, hands but also your words

[jessicacook]

I just had a thought. I think comparing what Brian said, to if his wife had said it to a former boyfriend is like comparing apples and oranges. It seems most of the men here (with the exception of onelove and a few others) feel it's perfectly ok for him to say that.

So let's look at it another way. Men want to feel respected by their wives. So what if Brian's wife told her ex-boyfriend, "well, my husband is NOT a handyman (not saying you aren't cuz I don't even know you) or my husband doesn't really provide well enough for my family." Would that be ok for her to do? No, because that would be inconsiderate of how he felt. For women, we want our men to make us feel like we are the only beautiful ones in the world. It hurts us to the core for us to hear our husband, the one we love most in the world thinks someone else is absolutely beautiful. Just like it would hurt men to their core to know their wives did not respect them. See my point? To women, telling another woman that she is absolutely beautiful is disrespectful. Just like the wife saying negative things about her husband to another man is disrespectful.

That's just MHO.

[scooter]

Okay okay quit beating around the bush...here's what you do...since none of us really know, Brian should have his wife take some dirt from the church grounds mix it into a potion and have her drink it.

If she gets sick it's her fault. If she don't it's his.

That would settle it.

[Brian]

WOW, just WOW!! I have ALOT to reply to!!! Dont worry, my wife hasn't strung me up by the neck. LOL She is in fact a MORE AMAZING woman than any other woman on the face of the planet!!!!!!!
We have certianly had a busy day, reading over some of your responces and "working it out" as the day went along. Plus I have been a little busy with yard work and other chores.
Oh, FYI, she is NOT jealous one ioda!! She is more than understanding when it comes to my INFREQUENT comments about the level of attractiveness of other women.
I am just a little tired tonight and can't respond to all this good stuff at once. And the fact that she has beat me back and blue , I am a little sore! J/K J/K

You guys are ALL a bunch of really great people and I really appreciate your input. Oh, I took the lady in question off my Facebook.....along with a few other high school female friends. (just in case) LOL

Thanks everyone!!

[RaceRunner]

Hey Brian,
They were complaining and worried that Jude2 was slow and dying a few weeks ago. You have single handedly rescued Jude2 from extinction!

[Brian]

Hey Brian,
They were complaining and worried that Jude2 was slow and dying a few weeks ago. You have single handedly rescued Jude2 from extinction!

Thats cause I am the MAN!!

(of course behind every good man is a better woman)