Called to do a funeral

[Poimen]

One of the ladies in my congregation had her daughter pass this morning. I have been asked to do the funeral. I am honored to serve in this capacity.

The lady who passed was 57, leaves behind 2 sons, 2 grandchildren and some great grands. She is survived by all her biological family, and all of her immediate family save her husband. She was a dedicated believer in the Lord Jesus and was ready to meet Him in death.

It is a tragic loss for this family. The lady essentially starved to death. She had some obstruction in her throat and refused to get medical aid (not completely sure why but have the impression she had some bad experiences with doctors in the past and which contributed. She completely and whole heartedly trusted in the Lord to heal her, but was as steadfastly confident that if he did not she was ready to meet Him.

The viewing will be this Monday evening, and the funeral this Tuesday afternoon.


I have preached a funeral before. I have assisted in a funeral or two. But I have never been so involved before. They had me go to the funeral home with them to make arrangements and such.

I wanted to ask, especially of any fellow ministers with experience in these settings, for advice on how to approach things; how to garner information that will give me a good overview of who she was, her life, her family, etc.?

What kind of questions should I ask?
What kind of things should I look for?
What 3 things would you advise me about based on your own experience with conducting funerals?


Thanks guys,

[Pastor Gary]

My advice is keep it personal and try to elicit a smile or even chuckle of fond remembrance.

I like to start with "Tell me how she would want to be remembered." And "When you think of her life, what makes you smile or laugh." I always find it revealing to ask to go through the family photo album with the family -- I always see something in there to spark a warm human interest illustration or memory.

[jdavis]

how to garner information that will give me a good overview of who she was, her life, her family, etc.?

Spend some time at the home (where the family gathers) and listen to them talk. The less you say sometimes the better. Your presence will be remembered more than the words you say. Ask if anyone in the family would like to write a poem or some fitting words that you can read on their behalf. Focus on the good things and humor is almost always good.

What kind of questions should I ask?

Songs
Final viewing after the sermon?
Lunch at the Church afterward? If so is everyone invited or just the family?
Does the local custom call for you to lead the funeral procession to the cemetary in your auto?
If not it is good to ride with the funeral director in the hearse because you will need to be the one to lead the procession from the hearse to the graveside. At the graveside always stand at the head of the casket when you speak. Funeral director should tell you which is the head.
Make a general outline of the service songs, scriptures and prayers and bring it on the day of the funeral and give copy to the director.

What 3 things would you advise me about based on your own experience with conducting funerals?

When preaching a funeral for a faithful Christian, I always incorporate three principles:
1. A memorial to the past- some personal reflections about the individual that honors their life.

2. Comfort for the present- You loved one is in the presence of Christ. "Absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." No more pain suffering. etc.

3. Hope for the future- You will see them again some day. 1Thess 4 etc.

This often leads into a time for people to reflect on their own lives and how they are living especially if the family wants you to share the gospel.


Hope this helps and I will be praying for you on Tuesday.

john