Tax Time
Posted: February 2nd, 2008, 3:38 pm
TAX TIME
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the
IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when
Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you
explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not
sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says
Ralph.
"How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go
ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can bite my
own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a
bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you $2,000 that I can bite
my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes
the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good
eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and
lost $3,000, with Ralph's attorney as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet
you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk,
and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and
never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can
manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,
but although he strains mightily, he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he
pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has
just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's
attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says
the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he
could come in here and pee all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it."
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the
IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when
Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you
explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not
sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says
Ralph.
"How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go
ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can bite my
own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a
bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you $2,000 that I can bite
my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes
the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good
eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and
lost $3,000, with Ralph's attorney as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet
you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk,
and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and
never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can
manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,
but although he strains mightily, he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he
pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has
just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's
attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says
the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he
could come in here and pee all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it."
