Need Advice

[Joopalot]

Hello All! I am brand new to Jude 2.
I solicit some good Christian relationship advice. I've been dating a girl for a few years now. A few days ago she went to a little get together with her roommates. And it turned out that this little get together had alcohol. Not normally one to drink, for whatever reason she decided to indulge herself this time. She ended up having too much which led to a little kissing session with some other guy she hardly knew. Now it was just kissing and and she came to me right away the following day to confess what she had done. This is so completely out of character for her, and I've known her for a long time. I still find it hard to believe that it actually happened. But it did. So what do you think? Can this type of thing really be just a fluke? Has anyone been in this situation before? Does the trust ever come back?

[soulsearcher]

I have a question for you... "What would Jesus do?"

[christian]

Forgive................then RUN.

[Joopalot]

I understand what your point is soulsearcher, but this scenario is different. I'm not suggesting never forgiving her. I meant in the context of our relationship. We're not married, we haven't taken any vows. We've had a wholesome relationship up till now. And then out of nowhere this happens. It's still fresh in my mind, but I wonder the long term effects of something like this. A girl I completely trusted and had no concerns that she would ever do anything like this did something like this. Sure, I can forgive her, but can I ever really get over it? If I continue the relationship will the sting of it ever really leave me? What if we're walking through a store one day and we happen to run into this guy? How will I react to that? So many questions. I really thought this girl was to be my wife before too long.

[DeWayneTN]

Can she assure you it's a one-time thing and will you believe it if she does? I guess the question is how far your forgiveness might extend and how much you cherish this relationship. If you were on the fence and had your doubts before, this would be a good time to bail. I think the positive side is she confessed to you so soon about it; so obviously on her side, she cares deeply. Apologies are a good place to start - there are plenty whose pride wouldn't even let them do that.

[soulsearcher]

Joop, what happens after you choose to forgive her is, yes, another story, resulting in yet another choice. I was simply trying to answer your question - to forgive or walk away. I chose, "Forgive." I understand that you can do both - forgive, and then walk away.

Please know that you have my thoughts and prayers concerning your decision. I feel compelled to remind you that, regardless of which decision you make, Jesus loves you - just like He still loves her. Also, please keep HOPE and TRUST alive.

Blessings.

[Pastor Bill]

This really depends on your relationship with each other and with God. It's good that she came and talked to you about it, and you do need to forgive her, but this could also be a sign that she really isn't ready for a more serious relationship, and if that is where you have been heading, then you may want to slow things down.

More important than just your relationship is the fact that she fell so easily to peer pressure, then continued to drink to the point that it inhibited her thoughts, and carelessly got involved with this other guy. Of course "Kissing session" can mean alot of things, depending on how hot & heavy the kissing got, and you probably don't want to know the details even if she remembers them all.

Mistakes happen, and forgiveness should always be your first reaction, but I would seriously consider whether she is ready to make a lifelong commitment if she is still struggling with some of these things, don't rush into anything.

[valley]

I would strongly suggest forgiving your girlfriend. As far as moving on with the relationship, you have several things to consider.

First, it sounds as if she does not know her limits when it comes to drinking. Frankly, she had too much. Perhaps she should learn a little self control rather than self-indulgence, which can lead to sin.

On to another issue, alcohol (in my opinion) just removes a person's natural inhibitions toward given actions. Thus, when one drinks, what is in your heart of hearts will shine through. You need to know if she really wants to be in a relationship with you.

Finally, can you really let this go? If from here on out you are concerned that she is cheating, you will develop a stress complex.

My opinion is to tap the breaks and think long and hard about the future. If you can forgive her and truly let it go and she can work through the issues that she faces, then I say stick it out. If you cannot, then be friends and leave it all in the past.

[teach]

I want to ditto to what valley said

and, you may want to take a couple weeks and just seriously pray and fast over it before you make any decisions.

wendy k

[MacUser]

you may want to take a couple weeks and just seriously pray and fast over it before you make any decisions.

Excellent Advice.

Take a deep breath and give it some time. People make mistakes - extremely stupid ones.

I do know you are probably going thru hell at the moment - so don't make any rash decisions and let her know you just need time.

I will pray the Lord delivers a swift, loud and clear answer.

[RuSKY]

This really depends on your relationship with each other and with God. It's good that she came and talked to you about it, and you do need to forgive her, but this could also be a sign that she really isn't ready for a more serious relationship, and if that is where you have been heading, then you may want to slow things down.

More important than just your relationship is the fact that she fell so easily to peer pressure, then continued to drink to the point that it inhibited her thoughts, and carelessly got involved with this other guy. Of course "Kissing session" can mean alot of things, depending on how hot & heavy the kissing got, and you probably don't want to know the details even if she remembers them all.

Mistakes happen, and forgiveness should always be your first reaction, but I would seriously consider whether she is ready to make a lifelong commitment if she is still struggling with some of these things, don't rush into anything.

Pastor Bill,

Getting drunk and kissing a person with whom you have no relationship is no mistake.
A mistake happens when you are trying to do your best and error.
It is something that you did not mean to do.
If you get drunk, you did that on purpose!
Unless, of course, someone forced the intoxicant down you.

BTW I vote with Christian........Forgive........Run

And, be sure to thank God that you found out, the character of the person, before you made a permanent commitment.

Just my .02
RuSKY

[teach]

you may want to take a couple weeks and just seriously pray and fast over it before you make any decisions.

Excellent Advice.

Take a deep breath and give it some time. People make mistakes - extremely stupid ones.

I do know you are probably going thru hell at the moment - so don't make any rash decisions and let her know you just need time.

I will pray the Lord delivers a swift, loud and clear answer.

I will be praying that as well cuz I know what it is like to be waiting for that type of answer. It's not fun at all and you feel eaten up inside.

wendy k

[doilooklost]

Dump her girls come a dime a dozen. There is another one around the corner.

[TW]

First let me welcome you to our little family.

Now to address your situation. As has been said before, you must forgive. Then, and only then, make a determination on the future of your relationship. This is a double edged sword. It could on the one hand separate the two of you. Or it could be the foundation for a more committed relationship. That is the choice that you and she must make. I am including your girlfriend in the decision making because she also has a vested interest in this. Both of you need to pray and seek God's will for your lives, whether you stay together or not. I do not know the depth of your emotional investment in this relationship but I will assume that it is significant. If her emotional investment is similar to yours then you may want to consider trying to salvage the relationship. If you do it will not be easy, she will have to earn your trust again, and you will have to learn to trust again.

RuSKY is IMHO mistaken when he states that people who get drunk do so on purpose. Yes, that is the case sometimes. However, most non-drinkers who get drunk do so because they have no idea of how alcohol will effect them. They have no idea of how quickly they will become impaired. They have not built up a level of tolerance so even very small amounts of alcohol will have a marked effect.


TW

[ImaPK]

Dump her girls come a dime a dozen. There is another one around the corner.

You beat me to it