...is my musical gifting. From a very early age, I have been fascinated with music. Some of my earliest memories revolve around a little red phongraph my grandparents gave us. I would sit in my room with the record player, playing my little yellow kiddie records, along with some larger records we got with the machine. One of those was "Great Balls of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis. There were others by Frankie Laine and some of the "one-hit wonders" of the day, but Jerry Lee is the one I recall most. I guess you could say I've been rockin' pretty much my whole life.
As a teenager, I learned to play guitar by listening to records and trying to imitate what I heard on them. It was a long process, but it was like a puzzle to me, and I found endless facination in looking for new pieces and seeing where they fit. In retrospect, if I'd had a teacher, I would have progressed faster. But I was on a voyage of discovery every time I picked the instrument up, and a teacher might not have been able to keep me interested in learning scales and modes and music theory. Like most of my male predecessors, I had to invent my own wheel. It's a Vande thing, you wouldn't understand...
When I got out on my own, my only goal in life was to be a rock & roll star. I had no idea how to accomplish that, and the success of my efforts show it. At the end of ten years of trying and failing again and again, I discovered that along the way I had picked up and addiction to alcohol, and was toying with cocaine. None of that is uncommon for rock stars, but if you haven't made it to the top before you figure out you're hooked, you pretty much never get there.
In attempting to regain sobriety, I discovered that Jesus loved me and wanted to fill me with His Holy Spirit. I was not in a position to say no, thank God. For a while, all my musical aspirations were forgotten. I didn't even think about guitar for a month. Then, the chaplain of our ship invited me to play for his Sunday morning shipboard service, and that started my involvement with Worship music.
Since then, I have discovered a whole new dimension to playing music. I've found out how music can put people in touch with God, call down His presence in a meeting, even heal and comfort folks with emotional hurts. Before Christ, all I wanted to do was "RAWK!", and that seemed like more than enough. Since my conversion, I have come to see how much more music can be and do. Playing music itself will always be fun to me, but when you've tasted the things of God in music, music for it's own sake is less than it could be, and always will be.
Sometimes, it has been a mixed blessing. I have never felt that I was a really great musician, but I have occasionally had to deal with resentment from other Christian musicians who felt challenged by my abilities. None of that was much fun, and I can't say I always took it in a Christ-like manner. Other times, I have longed for a position that would allow me to employ other giftings, because God has been generous with me that way. But I have never regretted my musical gift, or regetted developing it to the level I have managed to reach. I know that God pleased with my playing, but I also know that He is much less impressed with what I can do than he is who I am in His Son and how much He loves me. Coming to know that that has allowed me to keep things in a better perspective.
Sometimes, I wish everyone could feel what it's like when His Spirit falls upon a group of musicians you are a part of, and guides them from phrase to phrase. It's a truly an amazing thing, and I am grateful that God has gifted me that way.

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