It's a long one, but...

[Mike Vande]

...my blessing today is hope. In the last 54 years, I have had to deal with all sorts of challenges; school, health, employment, finances, relationships, just about everything I can think of has been a struggle in one way or another. That’s pretty ordinary, really. Everybody has to struggle with things to one degree or another. That’s just life.

But, I remember this guy from back about 26 years ago that found, or was found by, God. He had a new lease on life. He had been drinking himself too death because he couldn’t face his life without some sort of anesthetic. Then God showed him a whole new reality, one he didn’t believed existed, where God was available to him 24/7. A friend jokingly dubbed him “Joe Charismatic”.

That guy was me.

I found and read books by people who had the same experience of God, but had gone farther in the life I was just setting out on. They wrote of daily victories over the mundanities of life. They weren’t troubled by illness, or lack of money, or need of a job, or anything else, at least not for very long. God always seemed to show up a very short time after He was called upon, and always busted them out of the enemy-inspired traps set for them. They were ALWAYS happy. And they said I could be just like them, all I had to do was believe God the way they did, and it was all mine!

I came to believe I was set up for a rich, happy, and long life in a magical land where never is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day, and I’d get pretty much everything I wanted pretty much all the time.

I wonder if PT Barnum’s famous quote applies; is there a sucker born-again every minute?

Yesterday morning, I got word that my sister-in-law Carol’s condition is worse. Carol has had a headache for over three years now. It doesn’t ever go away completely; it just hurts less sometimes than others. She and my brother Jack have been to the Mayo Clinic and other places as well, but no one can diagnose why she has the headache, and without a diagnosis they can’t treat it effectively. She has tried all sorts of pain meds, brain chemistry meds, changing her diet, pretty much anything you can name, and nothing works very well, or for very long.

I am told Carol collapsed after a long siege with the most severe headache she’s ever had, worse than what she has endured before. Apparently, even opiates weren’t giving her any relief.

I also spoke with my aunt Judi yesterday. Judi is one of the most compassionate people I know of, and has been a Christian since she was very young. Thirty some-odd years ago, she and her husband Jim had to watch her first-born child, a daughter named Shawna, die slowly of leukemia before she reached her teens. They have three sons now, and they love them as only someone who knows what it is to lose a child can.

Jim and Judi’s middle son, Tyson, has enlisted in the Marines, and they fear for his safety in the current world situation. I can’t imagine the fear of losing another child, but I bet they can tell you a lot about it.

We all know people who have gone through things like this, friends or relatives who have had to carry unbelievable, crushing burdens that seem to go on and on and have no reasonable explanation, and who find no relief. If were up to us, we’d end the suffering in a New York minute. We don’t know why God doesn’t.

I’ve been sending Jack & Carol these ramblings of mine since I started writing them. Jack wrote back after receiving one of them, asking what I thought the reason was for Carol’s pain. I wrote back that I have no idea what is going on, all I know for sure is that God will walk through it with you.

When I wrote that to him, I wanted to do something more, to say something that would help him carry the load. I dearly longed to once more be that guy who had discovered the magical wonderland of a life with God, where all the pains are taken away, and nothing bad ever lasts longer than it takes to pray for God to intervene.

The Bible says that three things that abide; faith hope and love. A guy told me once he’d heard a lot of sermons on faith and love, but not too many on hope, and hope is the one you need to live. Living without hope is just marking time till you get to die.

I have managed to learn a bit about living without hope. I know that it eats your happiness like termites eat the foundation of your house, and with pretty much the same results. I know that it makes you long for death, if for no other reason than to bring the endless waiting for relief to an end.

I know now that hope is often a choice to be made. I reached a point in struggling with my challenges where I discovered that even though I was functioning to some degree, I had really given up.

The impending loss of my house to foreclosure weighed upon me heavily. The loneliness I had lived with for so long had turned into voluntary isolation because it was just too hard to be around people. I had gone from lousy job to lousy job, seldom happy with anything I was doing. My youth was ebbing away, replaced by a rapidly debilitating middle-age, and nothing I had hoped to achieve had been accomplished. People had been telling for as long as I could remember that I was worthless, lazy, and doomed to fail, and I had proven them right. Because of all this, I had been mentally preparing myself to die. I wasn’t looking to kill myself outright, I just believed that would be the next thing that happened to me.

I have come to realize that the enemy had just about succeeded in killing me, or rather, getting me to let myself die.

To borrow a phrase from Paul Harvey, "And now, the rest of the story;" during that time in my life, there were a lot of people praying for me, many of whom didn’t know what I was going through. They probably kept me alive. Thank you, and you know who you are.

I also had the aid of my pastor and worship leader, They helped me end that time with reassurance that my life still had value, to God and to them. The first time I met with him, my pastor told me “You’re the kind of person we need”. I came to understand that he meant I had intrinsic value, even if I was never able to do anything for him or the church.

Since that time, I have had more struggles. I found a good job, but now I am looking for another. I met a lady at church, but it didn’t work out. I am treating my various health challenges successfully with diet, exercise & medication, but I am tempted by foods I shouldn’t eat, and exercise has never been my favorite thing to do.

I have had to struggle with my attitude as well; after a lifetime of being a sour, surly old curmudgeon (imagine a newborn lying in the warmer right after being born, looking blearily around the room and thinking, “Hmmm…from a warm sleep to a cold world, eh? This is not gonna be good…” and that was me…), I have had to work at being a sweet, even-tempered old Christian who counts his blessings.

I will probably never have all the things I hope for in this life. It’s possible that I will never have all the things I pray for either. I have even begun to think I may not get out of this world alive. But I don’t think I’d be alive now if hope hadn’t been restored to me. I had lost hope when none of the things I hoped for appeared. Now, I’m learning to put my hope in a Person, not the eventual satisfaction of my desires.

Another man who dealt with hard circumstances and depression his whole life wrote “yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.” There are a lot of ways to read that, I guess. But I would say that means there is always some hope, in the face of death and even beyond. It’s hard to remember that when I hurt and don’t understand why. But I am learning to trust in God, and that is what keeps hope alive. I thank Him for that.

[n2jesus]

Mike...I don't know you or anything about you, however you have put words to life for so many...That is a gift from God right there, to be able to verbablize the depth of pain and despair that life can bring and yet the thread that holds you to a faithful God...I don't think we can comphrehend the height of love, joy, and peace unless we have been to that valley of the shadow of death...I wouldn't have chosen the road I have travelled the past 5 years, but the road has made me realize the importance of even the smallest of joys....Life isn't always fair is it? I am sorry for your pain, I am sorry for the dreams that haven't come to pass...I can honestly say I know what you are saying and feeling...One paragraph could be my own words exactly...I know that doesn't change your hurt, your sorrow, your loss, but I wanted you to know that your honesty has touched my heart today...I pray that God continues to give you that hope that you need to make it all the way to the end...I know I need that hope too...God bless...

[Pastor Gary]

Okay, who are you, and what have you done with Vande???



Mike, this new, softer, introspective, ministering side of you is a real blessing, but no surprise to me... I have always believed in you and some of us could see past the gruff impatience to the uncut diamond waiting to be revealed.

Your "Daily Blessing" posts have actually served as part of my daily devotions lately. I encourage you to save them and compile a book.

[Sherry]

I second what Pastor Gary said. I've really enjoyed your Blessings posts, it's been a blessing to me!

BTW: I always knew you were a sweetheart!

[soulsearcher]

Mike,

Once again, thanks for sharing your heart to bless and inspire me.

I'm sure you know of this beautiful old hymn (one of my favorites), but just in case, here are the lyrics.

WHISPERING HOPE

Soft as the voice of an angel,
Breathing a lesson unheard,
Hope with a gentle persuasion
Whispers her comforting word:
Wait till the darkness is over,
Wait till the tempest is done,
Hope for the sunshine tomorrow,
After the shower is gone.


Whispering hope, oh how welcome thy voice,
Making my heart in its sorrow rejoice.


If, in the dusk of the twilight,
Dim be the region afar,
Will not the deepening darkness
Brighten the glimmering star?
Then when the night is upon us,
Why should the heart sink away?
When the dark midnight is over,
Watch for the breaking of day.


Whispering hope, oh how welcome thy voice,
Making my heart in its sorrow rejoice.


Hope, as an anchor so steadfast,
Rends the dark veil for the soul,
Whither the Master has entered,
Robbing the grave of its goal.
Come then, O come, glad fruition,
Come to my sad weary heart;
Come, O Thou blest hope of glory,
Never, O never depart.


Whispering hope, oh how welcome thy voice,
Making my heart in its sorrow rejoice.

[Mike Vande]

Folks, my eyes are tearing up as I read your replies. My heart fills to know that folks are ministered to in some way by what I write. It redeems time I thought was lost and wasted while I waited for God to deliver me from my afflictions and troubles. It also give me more hope that I'm not without a future in the Lord, just because I'm not young enough to "rawk" without looking more than a bit pathetic.

I will take y'allls suggestion and see about compiling them for some sort of publication. Maybe the blessing can be spread around more...

Soulsearcher, I have heard "Whispering Hope" innumerable times since I was a kid, and never knew what it was about till know. "Whispering Hope, oh how welcome thy voice, making my heart in it's sorrow rejoice" encapsules a the largest part of what I took so many words to say. Someone wrote that there is no higher victory than victory in defeat. And even when we are, as Paul wrote, "pressed us out of measure, till we despaired of life itself", there is still victory in Jesus...hey, there's a song in that somewhere...

[deb]

I don't know you personally either, but I enjoy reading your blessings for the day, too. Journaling is a powerful tool - not only for yourself, but for others!

Let us know when you hear results about your job interview.

Praying for you!

[soulsearcher]

Mike, it is apparent that you are "worth the wait," and thrilling to witness a part of your destiny unfold right here on Jude2. You are in Christ. In Christ are all things. Help yourself!