The Blessing of Passion

[Mike Vande]

My blessing today is passion.

I came to enjoy music at an early age. It has always been around me in some form. I listened to it, thought about it, and sometimes even sang it for school programs and such. I can't remember a time when there wasn't music around somewhere, and I was always an avid listener.

I remember when I decided I wanted to make music. I heard a guy playing the guitar intro to a song, and I said to myself, "Oh, I have to learn how to do that!" It became important enough to me that I searched out a guy who knew how to play it, and had him show me how. I worked on it for months, and finally got to where I could play it. Then I repeated the process with another song, and then another, and eventually I became able to play most things I wanted to.

It took hours, days and months of endlessly going over those same chords it took to develop enough skill to play that first song. But it was a joy to pick up the guitar and make music, never a chore. That's the way passion works. It moves you to expend time and effort extravagantly, and enjoy doing it.

I never thought I'd lose my passion for playing, but I did. I've actually quit playing completely two times, both for over a year. Both times, I came back to it because I couldn't quite forget how much I loved it. But also, I had put in enough time and effort into my passion for playing that it had become a part of who I was.

Passion by itself won't keep a person on track for the long haul. It can start you off with a blinding flash and a deafening report, but it must be reinforced with discipline and effort. Passion wanes unless it's cultivated, and that is true of any relationship, between a person and an instrument, a man and woman, or man and God.

But discipline and effort without passion usually fail as soon as the motivating factor or person if removed from the equation. A lot of people who play instruments as teenagers cease playing as soon as they move away from home, and no longer have a parent who insists they practice. A short-lived dream of being a "star" often disappears when learning to play takes more time, effort and sacrifice than originally thought.

I believe a marriage that isn't based in a genuine passion for each other eventually fails, usually sooner than later. Those married for the wrong reasons come to realize that marriage and the person they married aren't what they thought it would be. Instead of the blissful shelter of effortlessness they had hoped for, they find a daily challenge, a crucible of accommodation and appeasement that doesn't seem worth the little you get out of it.

The cynical cliche' says that happens somewhere around the time the sex gets to be routine. But it's more likely to happen when disagreements about how life is going to be lived, and unexpected demands for personal sacrifice that exceed expectations rise up.

I have come to believe the reason why the divorce rate among Christians is the same as or worse than that among non-Christians is because not enough time is taken to really get to know who the other person is and what they want out of life before marriage.

Well, that's really only part of the reason; desirable life goals in our culture have become oriented around short-term gratification of self instead of long-term success for the relationship, and this has crept into the hearts of church.

Our parents had a powerful cultural taboo against divorce that kept them working at marriage. As they grew together over time, our parents found out out that a lot of seemingly earth-shattering problems that rise up between spouses become irrelevant, even silly, in time. Our generation has lowered the bar for what makes divorce acceptable, and raised the bar on the acceptable level of "what's in it for me/what have you done for me lately?" Consequently, couples often aren't together long enough to find out what the last generation discovered by remaining together.

A relationship with God that is founded on discipline and effort without passion for Him is religiosity. It's ritual and rote repetition, lifeless prayers and meaningless obedience to rules, all done in an attempt to become acceptable to God. Our culture's slide into short-term personal gratification would seem likely to have undermined that sort of religious practice.

But actually, there are those who find it convenient. Religiosity allows the compartmentalization of religious life, establishes a minimum acceptable amount of time and money that can be invested in salvation, and frees the rest for individual pursuits. And, it makes networking among a lot of the "right" people possible. Church becomes sort of a lodge, with it's own jargon and practices that separates the faithful from the common unwashed.

My experience in marriage falls under the category of a bad example. To my shame, a marriage founded on the shifting sand of unreality and selfish expectations collapsed around me and my former wife. It left us both hurt and confused about what happened.

We did make efforts, my wife and I, to save our marriage. And, we had a lot people praying for us, and wth us. We had counseling from a multitude of counselors, in which the Bible says wisdom can be found, nd tried to impliment what they told us. But nothing helped. I finally moved out for the last time, and she eventually filed for divorce.

After my divorce, I backslid and drifted from God until I could no longer stand to be away from Him, and came back. In that time of repentance and restoration, God told me why my marriage had failed.

He said there wasn't a genuine passion between us, one that made life without each other intolerable. He told me if there had been, there was a lot he could have done to help. But we didn't marry because of passion, we married because of needs that had little to do with each other. As such, His hands were tied because of free will.

I don't mean for that to be an excuse for divorce, mine or anyone else's. Divorce is a sin, and sin is not excusable. It can be forgiven, but that is a completely different thing.

I believe that staying married and in love is based on choosing to love and remain married. But I know from sad experience that marriages fail without passion, and passion takes time and truth to grow. I pray for the opportunity to see a genuine passion for a woman grow in me, although I wonder if that is something a man my age can reasonably expect. God is a God of second chances, but no one gets to be 21 again.

I have known genuine passion. Long ago, I discovered a passion for music had grown in me to the point where I simply had to learn how to play an instrument. Much later, God lit a fire of passion in me that has drawn me back to Him over and over again. If I never find another passion in life, I still have to say I am blessed to have known the passions I have, and I thank God for them.

[pitts47150]

Mike Vande I just wanted to thank you for sharing. I always enjoy reading these post. They help me see where some of my shortcoming are.

[Mike Vande]

Thank you for saying so.

[soulsearcher]

Another wonderful blessing, Mike, and I so relate regarding music's passion. It is a a gift to be nourished through every season season of life.