friendship--- advice-- help

[Penny]

Is it wrong to end a friendship

I have known this person for a while, I been trying to share the Lord with her and she saids she a christan but her action shows me so much more.

She feels it ok to drink during the week and praise the Lord come sunday . SHe feels saying a cuss word is ok. if she is mad and it slips out. She lets them slip every other word.

It gotten to where I really cannot handle being around this person. And I hate feeling this way. I have tried not to talk to her on messenger as much then she emails me Friends would never not talk to an other friend,. so I guess you are not mine. NEVER HAVE I SAID I WAS NOT HER FRIEND.

Is is wrong to say I am sorry we just cannot talk any more b.c you are pulling me down, is there any bible verse to back this up. If So i not found it, i have been looking for something to back me up.

anything I say to her she has to have a verse as back up. Which I can do most of the time.

and honesty- Right now I cannot deal with an adult acting like my 15 year old, I just can't. I got to much things going on in my life right now to deal with someone who just wants my attention all the time. (tears) I hate this.

Between my son,and other things in my personal life and at home I feel like i am about to sink big time. ANd she is pulls me down so much.

I really need some advice here..

[RamboPreacher]

Here is my opinion:

Is it wrong to end a friendship

I have known this person for a while, I been trying to share the Lord with her and she saids she a christan but her action shows me so much more.

She feels it ok to drink during the week and praise the Lord come sunday . SHe feels saying a cuss word is ok. if she is mad and it slips out. She lets them slip every other word.

Paul and Barnabas had differing opinions as mentioned in the Bible, but that doesn't mean that either one (not to mention the one they were disagreeing about) were any less believers.

You may have a different idea in your mind as to what it means to be Christian, than she does, but that doesn't mean that she isn't, necessarily. I may get flambayed for this, but just because someone "cusses" or "drinks" doesn't make them non-Christian.

It does mean that they probably need some work and a furthered growing relationship with God, and that they may need more discipleship in that relationship.

...It gotten to where I really cannot handle being around this person. And I hate feeling this way. I have tried not to talk to her on messenger as much then she emails me Friends would never not talk to an other friend,. so I guess you are not mine. NEVER HAVE I SAID I WAS NOT HER FRIEND.

Is is wrong to say I am sorry we just cannot talk any more b.c you are pulling me down, is there any bible verse to back this up. If So i not found it, i have been looking for something to back me up.

anything I say to her she has to have a verse as back up. Which I can do most of the time.

and honesty- Right now I cannot deal with an adult acting like my 15 year old, I just can't. I got to much things going on in my life right now to deal with someone who just wants my attention all the time. (tears) I hate this.

Between my son,and other things in my personal life and at home I feel like i am about to sink big time. ANd she is pulls me down so much.

I really need some advice here..

my advice: prayer. If you have done all to stand, and her influence is too strong for you, then that might be a clue that a friendship may not be available. However, As a Christian, I believe that the fruit of the spirit is for all Christians.

This fruit (singular) is love, with the manifestations of peace, gentleness, kindness, etc... praying that you or she have peace, as example, may not be very effective, if in fact you both need to have love; without love, then there can be no peace.

so, no, I do not believe that cutting off a relationship/friendship is a "sin", or "wrong", necessarily. but the reasons may need to be examined very closely as to whether it is because of a misunderstanding, or a maturity/growing process or something else.

on one hand you could look at it as if they are influencing you and bringing you down, so you need to move out of that relationship to get closer to God

On the other hand you could see it as if satan is manipulating the circumstance (being allowed to) to the negative, as the relationship may just be the best thing you need right now.

I only know from what is posted, prayer is the main point and direction to start. God will lead you.

[one love]

Rambo good to see you posting more again I missed you
Now I do disagree it is surely wrong for one to get drunk during the week and claim to have salvation solely because they go to church on the weekend. We can agree to disagree the whole drinking threads got old but for me there is no way around being drunk not being a sin. I respect your opinion as well

Penny you don’t have to end the friendship per say but don’t ever allow anyone to bring you down to where it can effect your own spiritual walk. You can talk you her and not worry about what she does just pray for her and talk,. Don’t continue to tell her this is wrong and that is wrong (im not sure if you do) if she knows how you stand that is fine there. You want to be able to be there if she comes to you for more spiritual depth however not to the point that it pulls you down. You have a lot on your plate and that alone should be understood.
You can be friends from a distance. I have many friends from the old days but they know I don’t go out with them and if we do get together they already know I will not go if they are drinking and doing things that are sinful. If I am around every blue moon they don’t smoke pot etc. we go to the shooting range and lunch but even then with all that I have going on it is not often this happens. I do try to keep in touch even if some say they are saved and sell drugs because they know where I stand and when they want prayer or spiritual advice they come to me, not there catholic priest because they saw the change in my life 9 years ago. They know I rolled with them a very large crew and I left it all but I pray for there salvation and this past few weeks I have received one call that a girl I was good friends with told me she got saved because of my witness and words that God directed me to say.
Last week my old best friend called and said crying I wanted you to know that I got saved and it is because of you, he told me I now know what you meant about a relationship with Christ. He does not drink, smoke, fight, curse or do drugs any longer because he was truly delivered. 2 other friends have now started to follow there lead and all say Kevin had something real and they wanted it.
I have a friend that lost his soon to be wife on Christmas and then his mom died 6 months later, his sister had a boyfriend kill himself in her bed while she was out and he is a alcoholic, he calls me at 3:00 a.m. so drunk I can only understand every 10 words and he now says he is a atheist but he then says "why did God allow this to happen?"
Point being they come to me, they know where I stand.

I hope this helps may the lord bless you and don’t give up hang in there

[soulsearcher]

Is it wrong to end a friendship

Not if it is in your best interest as a Christian.

[RamboPreacher]

Semi-OT, warning:

Rambo good to see you posting more again I missed you
Now I do disagree it is surely wrong for one to get drunk during the week and claim to have salvation solely because they go to church on the weekend. We can agree to disagree the whole drinking threads got old but for me there is no way around being drunk not being a sin. I respect your opinion as well

You seem to be making some assumptions that I never said, nor intended, though. I didn't say (nor did Penny, as I recall) that they said that their salvation was based on them going to church on the weekend.

(whether or not they drink - being a drunkard is another issue, as again, this was not mentioned, only drinking - drinking does not equate being drunk, and being drunk, does not equate being a drunkard - in my experience and beliefs)

so just to be clear, I agree with what you are apparently saying that one isn't "saved" by going to church.

[one love]

Semi-OT, warning:

Rambo good to see you posting more again I missed you
Now I do disagree it is surely wrong for one to get drunk during the week and claim to have salvation solely because they go to church on the weekend. We can agree to disagree the whole drinking threads got old but for me there is no way around being drunk not being a sin. I respect your opinion as well

You seem to be making some assumptions that I never said, nor intended, though. I didn't say (nor did Penny, as I recall) that they said that their salvation was based on them going to church on the weekend.

(whether or not they drink - being a drunkard is another issue, as again, this was not mentioned, only drinking - drinking does not equate being drunk, and being drunk, does not equate being a drunkard - in my experience and beliefs)

so just to be clear, I agree with what you are apparently saying that one isn't "saved" by going to church.

I understand but when people usually say someone goes out and drinks they are getting drunk, if I am wrong forgive my assumption but my stance on drinking is the same however I no we disagree there but as I said I have no problem with agreeing to disagree, that is how it should be
I took her post as if the person was playing church, living like the world, drinking and then attending church on sunday, I could be wrong though.

May the Lord bless you

[RamboPreacher]

...
I took her post as if the person was playing church, living like the world, drinking and then attending church on sunday, I could be wrong though.

May the Lord bless you

understood, and as you say, you could be wrong. And this is where the judging paradigm aspect comes into play, I don't automatically assume that drinking means getting drunk. I don't then further automatically assume that getting drunk means being a drunkard.

And then the comment about "playing church" is a negative-judgmental one (in my opinion), that I wouldn't make. a persons Christianity doesn't necessarily mean they are going to fall in line with another persons understanding/beliefs of holiness and righteousness. they may or may not even know what that other persons beliefs are in reference to holiness, let alone what the scriptures say, or have an interpretation for themselves.

to me, it sounds like the friend is a young Christian (no matter her physical age, and no matter her spiritual age as well!), and needs some love and discipleship in her Christianity.

and a note of appreciation and thanks for the actual discussion in mutual respect.

[one love]

I have known this person for a while, I been trying to share the Lord with her and she saids she a christan but her action shows me so much more.

She feels it ok to drink during the week and praise the Lord come sunday . SHe feels saying a cuss word is ok. if she is mad and it slips out. She lets them slip every other word.

reading this leaves me with this assumption based on what penny has said. I am not judging the person I am just addressing the comment.
Notice

"I have been trying to share the LORD with her"
"she says she is a christian but her action shows me so much more"
"She feels it is ok do Drink DURING the WEEK"
And she curses every other word, Brother this is the only assumption to a response one could come up with.

If it said she is trying her best to live for the Lord yet is confused on what is right or something to that extent but it does not, it leaves the impression that this person is bringing Penny down becuase she is not a christian and lives like she is not, yet says she is on SUNDAY. That is a reference many make about "sunday christians" those that are living in sin but are christians on sundays. This was the way the post was set up to me, Penny If I am incorrect forgive me I was trying to just give advice because I know how you feel. Some people think that nothing is sin as long as you proclaim that Jesus is Lord. Except maybe murder all else is ok.
Rambo I will always do my best to treat everyone with respect in discussions, this is how I like to be treated and I feel our attitude is just as much a part of our walk with the Lord as anything else

May the Lord bless you

[Penny]

I know it is wrong to juge people and I honesty do not mean what I am about to say come out as that

She drinks when she mad... she mad all the time anymore.
She cuss more than I care to be around.

to day alone she has sent me 15 email We need to talk.. YOu are not my friend if you do not answer me . Then she calls me a liar b.c i will not reply her notes or get on msn messenger to talk to her.

She fully knows I am 100% against drinking in anyway and each time we talk she has to tell me about what ever new mix drink she tried.. Or how she has to go get a beer.

Then oh I love Jesus he the best ____ think that ever happen to me. I am sorry that wrong putting a bad word in the same Place with the Jesus

I just cannot handle that, if that makes me a bad person, then Ok.

[one love]

I know it is wrong to juge people and I honesty do not mean what I am about to say come out as that

She drinks when she mad... she mad all the time anymore.
She cuss more than I care to be around.

to day alone she has sent me 15 email We need to talk.. YOu are not my friend if you do not answer me . Then she calls me a liar b.c i will not reply her notes or get on msn messenger to talk to her.

She fully knows I am 100% against drinking in anyway and each time we talk she has to tell me about what ever new mix drink she tried.. Or how she has to go get a beer.

Then oh I love Jesus he the best ____ think that ever happen to me. I am sorry that wrong putting a bad word in the same Place with the Jesus

I just cannot handle that, if that makes me a bad person, then Ok.

I agree with you penny and that is what i thought you were implying. The word judges people all we can do is pray for them. If she is causing this much trouble and effecting your walk with the Lord you may have to stay away for a while. It may be better to just keep small quick conversations it sounds like this person wants to talk ALL the time and brings a lot of drama with it. Dont let the negative attitude to discourage you. I know you have a lot on your plate. I will be praying and seek the Lord as what to do, I have had to let some friends go in the past. We just went seperate ways because of there lifestyle and mine became SO different.

[RamboPreacher]

...
I just cannot handle that, if that makes me a bad person, then Ok.

no way. that doesn't make you a bad person at all!! prayer for them is what is needed, and I agree with One Love's advice for you.

[TC]

while I disagree with drinking for everyone, (not for the self medication thing) Many Christians feel that there is nothing wrong with it. Some say a glass of wine with dinner or after dinner helps me to relax. Some feel that is not a problem as long as they don't go out and "get drunk".

You would be shocked at the number of Christians that drink from time to time. I think about the show JK+8 thread where it mentions where they attend Church. Yet I saw a show just a few weeks ago where they were sitting around drinking before a meal and the mom said she was taking away his wine.

but back to your advice. Put it back on her. Tell her that I know we disagree on some of these issues and when you want to discuss them it bothers me, It bothers my spirit. I know that you would not want to intentionally do anything that would hurt my spirit, so to stop me from hindering you on what you want to discuss I need to step away and allow you to feel free to talk or do what you want. If she continues with the messages about being a friend, tell her you have tried over and over again hearing such conversation bothers you and if she was a friend she would not continue with such conversations.

do the sort of "Its not you its me" Which is true because YOU are the one that can not take anymore of her conversations. She is trying to use guilt to get you be her "friend" and that is not a friend, so she has cut you loose a long time ago as a true friend.

If that fails and she continues, and says the " you are not a friend" then just say Well I guess that must be the case and I need to work on it. We are going down different paths and you must go down that path on your own. It may take a few weeks but when you stop answering the messages or emails cold turkey she will soon get the message.

[Shellie]

Penny wrote:

I know it is wrong to juge people

No, not really...but that's a post for the doctrine forum, I suppose.

[Kenya]

She sounds like a manipulative person - not a friend.

[jessicacook]

check your PM