An affair...what to do?

INLOVE · Postby **INLOVE** » September 7th, 2008, 12:12 pm

Here's the situation. What would you do? I know a lady who is more than an acquaintance but not a close friend. I found out for a fact that her husband is having an affair. Now everytime I see her, it really bothers me. I don't feel I have a right to say something. I would want to know if it were me. Do I say something?

TW · Postby TW » September 7th, 2008, 12:35 pm

If you decide to tell her, make sure that you can prove the fact, otherwise you are just meddling in other peoples lives. If you can't prove what you say, and he is able to convince her that he is innocent then this is the way she will see you. Your best option is to say nothing that you cannot prove, no matter how badly you wish to tell her. Without proof it is gossip.

TW

INLOVE · Postby **INLOVE** » September 7th, 2008, 2:31 pm

I saw it first hand.

Jennifer Smith · Postby **Jennifer Smith** » September 7th, 2008, 3:13 pm

I would have to pray about that one. Pray it will be revealed if she is supposed to know at this time. I don't think I would tell unless I felt to do so from the Lord. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Then of course, if she is your friend, she may feel betrayed if she finds out later that you knew and didn't tell her. That is why I would pray about it.

Postby **Shellie** » September 7th, 2008, 3:29 pm

Proverbs 26:17

He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.

INLOVE · Postby **INLOVE** » September 7th, 2008, 3:49 pm

Thanks Jennifer. I think I am going to not say anything right now. I just feel really sorry for her :/

Jennifer Smith · Postby **Jennifer Smith** » September 7th, 2008, 3:56 pm

Maybe you saw this so you could pray for her and her family. It is sad.

dolfan · Postby **dolfan** » September 7th, 2008, 4:37 pm

Shellie wrote:Proverbs 26:17

He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.

Inlove, I did it once, as a teenager. I saw something I wish I never had seen, and I told it. Boy, oh, boy ..... consequences of that still real to this day 24 years later. Very real. In fact, just this weekend, the reality of that consequence was demonstrated to me than in the 24 years since it happened --- but your question is what prompted me to think so. I can't explain, but the very people involved were the people I spent this weekend seeing out of state, and their child.

Do yourself and them a favor. Stay out of it prayerfully.

pastorables · Postby **pastorables** » September 7th, 2008, 4:54 pm

INLOVE wrote:I saw it first hand.

The eyes can be deceived. Knowing how many times that I've been presumptuous and been wrong, I am challenged to caution you to be very sure of what you saw. Not only have I been wrong in my judgments, but I've been judged wrongly as well. As TW stated, it does well to know the full details and have proof.

If you saw the husband with another woman, that alone doesn't prove anything. If you caught them in the very act of adultery, that is a different situation all together. If you are certain that unfaithfulness has been committed, I would take it to serious prayer (as has been advised) before taking any kind of action.

Blessings,
pa

Dr. Ron · Postby **Dr. Ron** » September 8th, 2008, 3:40 am

From a professional standpoint.........leave it alone. It is not your issue to deal with and can cause you great amounts of damage.

Remember..what might appear to be an affair to you, may not be one to someone else. Your "proof" must be catching one in the act of adultry, and then Shellie gave you the best advice.

Leave it for he lady to discover......and to be honest .....based on many years experience in dealing with these issues, she really doessn't want to know...and neither would you after the fact.

It will only be resolved if he decides that his wife is able to deal with it....most are not..

Pastor Bill · Postby **Pastor Bill** » September 8th, 2008, 9:43 am

I think the advice given is best, if you must say something, then go to HIM, give him the chance to explain in case you are not correct in what was happening (I don't know what you have seen or haven't) the best thing for the relationship would not be for her to find out from someone else.

Plus this goes more along with the scriptural stance of going to a brother who has sinned.

Jennifer Smith · Postby **Jennifer Smith** » September 8th, 2008, 4:00 pm

Pastor Bill wrote:I think the advice given is best, if you must say something, then go to HIM, give him the chance to explain in case you are not correct in what was happening (I don't know what you have seen or haven't) the best thing for the relationship would not be for her to find out from someone else.

Plus this goes more along with the scriptural stance of going to a brother who has sinned.

Yes, if he is a Christian. If not, I would leave that alone, too...depending also on how well you know him.

Jude 2