Mid Life crisis? Fact of fiction?

[TC]

well first I must say I have been accused of going thru one (maybe still am) Riding in racecars at over 100mph, parasailing, indoor skydiving, riding in an airboat to see gators. and that is just this year.

In the last month I have heard of 4 couples getting divorced. Two of them former pastors who are both with some younger chick. Wives getting boobjobs. People who have always had a strong faith have decided they need a Break. People who have shocked me with their commitment to God and family giving it all up

Some people have said how they would love to have my life, single dating different girls any time I wanted. Want to hear every little detail of the last girl I dated two times and don't ever plan of seeing again. Yet I would love to find that one person that I would never have to go out again. I long to find that one person I can share everything with, and they long to get some time alone.

Is it a midlife thing or is it the grass is greener? either way I am tired of all of it.

[n2jesus]

The fall out of feeling entitled to selfishness in midlife has a hellish affect on all the ones you leave behind...

For my husband's indulgences the fall out has been:

Ruined credit
Ruined integrity (his)
Loss of family core traditions
Loss of familial relationships that would have been the safety net for future generations
Broken hearts
Broken trust
Loss of income
Loss of home
Loss, loss, loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still have to explain things to my grandchildren almost 7 years later.

I pray God sheds his mercy upon my life and allows me to know a real godly man who loves the Lord, who will love me completely, love my children as his own and love my grandchildren with the same love I have for them...That is my hope!!

[Dr. Ron]

TC...
This is a very real fact. So much so, that every couple should be prepared for it before it becomes a reality.

Mine hit when I was an overseer. I laid in the floor of my office for days crying. I told my wife to find something she wanted to do with her life. I was going to work as the manager of a Pizza Hut....(don't ask why...dont' know)

I could see myself working in that environment driving a little red sports car....I didn't want another woman....I just wanted out of the ministry. I didn't want to deal with it all anymore.

But we had prepared ourselves for this and when I started with all that, she recognized what was happening and met all the needs that this brought with it. I owe her my life.

It is soooo very real my friend. And I hope you find that person you seek...it is a real joy to have that in my life.

[TC]

Dr Ron.

Not sure if I can take it or not. I am just so sick of seeing people split up. SICK OF IT.

[Russell Roberts]

TC,

I think a fundamental mistake of a LOT of people getting married is that they don't understand the Biblical concept of love - being devoted to the best interest of another. We don't necessarily have to like someone to love them. All these divorces occur because people are selfish. I'm with you though, it makes me sick.

I do believe in a 'mid-life crisis'. I think people look back over their lives and evaluate their accomplishments. Maybe we come up short from what we had hoped to accomplish. I think I have. We look for the meaning of our life...have we made a difference? I think it is a valid thing that happens to folks. It is to me anyhow. I don't think it necessarily has to constitute a crisis though. Maybe it is a little disappointing not to have had more of an impact. Good question.

[Dr. Ron]

The word selfishness.....is exactly correct.

I teach my students all the time that there is only one reason for divorce/conflict. It is always based on selfishness on the part of one or the other or both. It never fails.

Two selfless people will find a way.

I understand TC....it is sickening....but you may not know the whole story.

[TC]

I can't see any reason to walk away from your kids. No reason what so ever. Since I posted I heard of another family breaking up.

I got thru it as a kid, but it changed my life. The bad thing is two of the cases I am thinking of, One I called the guy and he said, she did nothing wrong I just want out, out of everything.

there are days the sun is shining, the birds are singing and you got a song in your heart and on your mind. today is not one of those days, and today I just don't feel like dancing

[MacUser]

Spiritually...
It's a trick of the enemy! To deceive to manipulate to destroy and he enjoys it immensely along with his minions. To see kids without dads, moms.. or even parents, grandparents that operate in the family structure. To see confusion on a massive scale, anger, bitterness, resentment... he rolls around in it and enjoys it with a deep belly laugh of extreme satisfaction. So many times.. the enemy shows us the grass appears greener on the other side.. when actually that OTHER side wants exactly what you have.

Mentally..
It's about coming to grip with whom you are and being comfortable with that person and lot in life. Knowing you may not have that sunset vacation home on the beach. Knowing you may not have a shiny red sports car. Knowing you may not actually reach Obama's higher tax bracket (trust me you will!) Reflecting on life and seeing that you appear to not have taken any risks to reap such earthly rewards when you have and have much around you as a result.. but you fail to see it's value.


Personally...
I am a man of like passions like all the rest.. but when this extreme selfishness hits me.. I have to rebuke it with gratitude. I start thanking my Father in heaven for everything he has placed in my life... and amazingly it makes these other issues flee. They both can't remain at the same time.
I don't know the future or tomorrow.. but I will do my best to have a heart of praise and gratitude.

My grandmother would sing this old song about a Man with a satisfied mind ( I have it on video to watch it often ). I have not reached that point yet.. trust me.. but I am trying. I've personally witnessed some great Christian men grow bitter, upset and angry as they mature older into their sun set years.. while some grow sweeter and loving. I want to get sweeter and wiser and I strive to have that satisfied mind.

God Bless

[cndlou]

there are days the sun is shining, the birds are singing and you got a song in your heart and on your mind. today is not one of those days, and today I just don't feel like dancing

Must be something in the air... I am feeling this way today also...

[Dr. Ron]

Folks, the sad fact is that our whole way of life is being attacked. The things we once held dear are disappearing from our lives. We can't get a handle on what is reality and what is fantasy.

It can't be blamed on one thing in particular. Think of this statistic. 70% of women (married or single) in the 32-45 year old range are having affairs. They are initiating them. With that kind of availability that has never "seemed" possible before, it is a huge opportunity for men who are not happy in their marriages.

I am not blaming women for men's failures. We make our own decisions. I have to make decisions every day for myself. But, the catalyst for disaster is ever present.....and it destroys.

The sun shines somewhere everyday. I agree with you TC, but I sense that maybe you have never dealt with your own issues about being deserted. I understand that. You didn't understand it then and you can't understand it now. Why would a man who had everything you desire consider walking away from it all?

With the ministry it is epidemic. 50% (Barna Group) of ministers who leave the ministry, do so because of maritial issues......and most of them never return. The others burn out, go bankrupt, etc. Men become disalusioned over the reason to stay in ministry......and that can cross over to any career field.

The military gets it about right. The kick you out just before you go into mid-life.

[cndlou]

Think of this statistic. 70% of women (married or single) in the 32-45 year old range are having affairs.

WOW!!! This is one time that I am glad to be in the minority... That is an unreal number... WOW!!!

[Tim Elston]

Think of this statistic. 70% of women (married or single) in the 32-45 year old range are having affairs.

WOW!!! This is one time that I am glad to be in the minority... That is an unreal number... WOW!!!

Hey, folks, this thread is really depressing me. TC is dating anyone he wants, 70% of women in my age range are having affairs, married people are dumping long-time spouses for younger trophies, and here I am a lifetime single, no children--not even ever a chance of them!--and not a woman to be had within fifty feet of my couch.

What gives, folks? Ah, I know: I need a mid-life crisis! Off the couch and into the wild! Out of the books and into the bushes!

[Russell Roberts]

Out of the books and into the bushes!

I'll leave that one alone.

[dolfan]

I don't know. I'm 41. I'd say they're real enough. And, I love women, all of them. The best thing I've got going for me is a lack of confidence! My natural defense, and not being really handsome and having a waistline that's getting dangerously close to qualifying as a lineman's jersey number. (Not really. It's not that bad, I just thought that'd be funny to say. I'm a 38. Hey, at least my age is higher than that. )

[Tim Elston]

Out of the books and into the bushes!

I'll leave that one alone.

Dude, if you're married, I'd say go for it!