I need to hear from you women!

[Ilovebigcats]

I will second Dr. Ron's comment that Jealousy is not a good thing.

Jealousy is a symptom of something much deeper, and that needs to be addressed, whether it's insecurity in the relationship, lack of trust, or even past personal failures.

Yes do what you can to serve your wife in this situation, and if that means cutting out the old friend, then do so, but don't let the jealousy stay in the relationship, have some real conversations maybe even counciling. it can poison a relationship.

THANK YOU!!! This is a good reply in my opinion.

Typically the jealousy is a symptom of a need to be loved and feel loved and not feel burnt out and overwhelmed by the every day life of being a wife and mother. When did we go from your hot girlfriend and woman you want to spend your life with to teacher, cleaner, laundry girl, scheduler, driver, kid cleaner, hair washer, cat litter box cleaner, toilet scrubber, floor sweeper, you KNOW I could go on and on... we want US back. That will kill most jealousy or esteem issues. What happened to "us?"

So far today I have...
spanked kids for sneaking in candy and falling off kitchen cabinets
washed 4 loads of clothes
I have 4 loads left to do
I have 6 baskets of clothes that need to be put away
I need to clean out old winter clothes
I have to remember to give our medicine to the right kids
I need to take the change jar to the store to get food for dinner
I need to cook dinner
I need to clean the chicken cage out that is in my kitchen
I need to clean under the fridge for the new one that is coming in
I have cleaned my bathroom
I have dusted my bedroom
I have vacuumed
I have swept the kitchen
I have feed the animals TWICE
Help my oldest 3 different times with editing a video for her youth group
Answer a looooooooong list of questions for all 6 kids
All the kids need baths tonight so I will have to wash the girls hair
I need to cut the boys hair but that is so not happening today
I need to wash all the sheets and pillow cases and flip mattresses
I have change 2 diapers
I plan to count the clothes I have folded when it is time to put them all away! That should be fun and exciting information.
....

I am SURE I am forgetting something. When Danny gets home the kids will go crazy and he will want to talk my head off while I am wore slap out and haven't had a break. I still need to shower. Then I will still have to cook dinner. Oh wait Danny wont be home until after 6 so... it pushes my cooking and stuff back further into what little rest time I get. Not to mention I need to do homeschool stuff. Seriously. When do I get a me break? When do I get me time so I feel good about myself? When do we get the quiet alone time with our men that loved us and swept us off our feet YEARS ago... oh wait, that's right. At night when it is time for sex.

But you guys have time after you clock out at 3:30 or 5:00 and get one facebook to tell old girlfriends they are beautiful. Yeah.. we are just jealous. Pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Do you see the frustration? I bet the testosterone prevents it. Sadly... we are sick people.. just one little thing can make us feel worlds better. "Let me watch the spaghetti while you go take your shower!" Oh my goodness... that might get you a booty call! Yep, we are sick people.

[Tracy]

Tracy, I don't understand your advise to "stop facebooking altogther." That seems extreme. We are not assuming our brother has a "problem" with women here.

I think that it could become a problem. I think that both the comment and the friending on fb both are unwise judgment calls. It is wise to be safe and take radical steps to remove what could be temptation.

We all struggle with doing the wise thing in different areas. Brian, in my opinion, made not one but two risky and unwise decisions and both concerning the same woman. This may be a pattern; and it may not. What could be at stake is of more value and worth than fb and classmates.

And it could extend to other women, if this is a area of discernment that he struggles with. Fb and related portals offer many, many opportunities for what looks or starts innocently enough, but underneath is or becomes something inappropriate and dangerous.

My advice stands. He, of course, must decide whether to take it or leave it.

[Dr. Ron]

Man, racerunner, you need to re-read my posts and Brian's as well.

I didn't mean to imply a situation I don't know more about than what we have available. I don't know that it was jealousy. I just do know that the response was not what I consider a very mature. It would be an issue I would look at in marriage counseling.

So having said all that......thanks for listening.....

[jessicacook]

Do you continually give your wife these compliments as well?

This is my question. I wouldn't feel "threatened" at all if my hubby made a comment like that as long as I was getting lots of compliments from him letting me know that i was the only one for him and that I was more beautiful than anyone else.

Now if I wasn't getting compliments and I didn't feel like I was the only one for him, heck yeah, I would be UPSET!!!

[Shellie]

A wife being uncomfortable with a situation does NOT have to equal jealousy.

As a woman, with spiritual discernment, I may see something in a situation my husband does not. (just as a husband with discernment may keep me from trouble).

I have known this to happen more than once. Men are sometimes blind to seducing spirits. (females can be as well) A helpless single female that needs pastoral "spiritual" help...a sensitive man willing to listen to a tired wife's woes...you get the picture.

It is my job to watch out and protect my marriage, my home, my children and the ministry that involves them all. Satan desires to have all of these things. I have to be on my toes to guard against any satanic foothold.

If I am uncomfortable with a situation, it could equate spiritual discernment and not giving place to the devil instead of jealousy. Being aware of all dangers is not only wise, but Biblical.

Let's try to give Brian's wife a little credit here instead of marking her as a jealous wife with self-esteem issues.

[jessicacook]

A wife being uncomfortable with a situation does NOT have to equal jealousy.

As a woman, with spiritual discernment, I may see something in a situation my husband does not. I have known this to happen more than once. Men are sometimes blind to seducing spirits. (females can be as well) A helpless single female that needs pastoral "spiritual" help...a sensitive man willing to listen to a tired wife's woes...you get the picture.

It is my job to watch out and protect my marriage, my home, my children and the ministry that involves them all. Satan desires to have all of these things. I have to be on my toes to guard against any satanic foothold.

If I am uncomfortable with a situation, it could equate spiritual discernment and not giving place to the devil instead of jealousy. Being aware of all dangers is not only wise, but Biblical.

Let's try to give Brian's wife a little credit here instead of marking her as a jealous wife with self-esteem issues.

I TOTALLY agree with this as well. Great post.

[turbotim]

This is my question. I wouldn't feel "threatened" at all if my hubby made a comment like that as long as I was getting lots of compliments from him letting me know that i was the only one for him and that I was more beautiful than anyone else.

So, are you getting the compliments from your hubby?

[Pastor Bill]

Typically the jealousy is a symptom of a need to be loved and feel loved and not feel burnt out and overwhelmed by the every day life of being a wife and mother. When did we go from your hot girlfriend and woman you want to spend your life with to teacher, cleaner, laundry girl, scheduler, driver, kid cleaner, hair washer, cat litter box cleaner, toilet scrubber, floor sweeper, you KNOW I could go on and on... we want US back. That will kill most jealousy or esteem issues. What happened to "us?"

So far today I have...
spanked kids for sneaking in candy and falling off kitchen cabinets
washed 4 loads of clothes
I have 4 loads left to do
I have 6 baskets of clothes that need to be put away
I need to clean out old winter clothes
I have to remember to give our medicine to the right kids
I need to take the change jar to the store to get food for dinner
I need to cook dinner
I need to clean the chicken cage out that is in my kitchen
I need to clean under the fridge for the new one that is coming in
I have cleaned my bathroom
I have dusted my bedroom
I have vacuumed
I have swept the kitchen
I have feed the animals TWICE
Help my oldest 3 different times with editing a video for her youth group
Answer a looooooooong list of questions for all 6 kids
All the kids need baths tonight so I will have to wash the girls hair
I need to cut the boys hair but that is so not happening today
I need to wash all the sheets and pillow cases and flip mattresses
I have change 2 diapers
I plan to count the clothes I have folded when it is time to put them all away! That should be fun and exciting information.
....

I am SURE I am forgetting something. When Danny gets home the kids will go crazy and he will want to talk my head off while I am wore slap out and haven't had a break. I still need to shower. Then I will still have to cook dinner. Oh wait Danny wont be home until after 6 so... it pushes my cooking and stuff back further into what little rest time I get. Not to mention I need to do homeschool stuff. Seriously. When do I get a me break? When do I get me time so I feel good about myself? When do we get the quiet alone time with our men that loved us and swept us off our feet YEARS ago... oh wait, that's right. At night when it is time for sex.

But you guys have time after you clock out at 3:30 or 5:00 and get one facebook to tell old girlfriends they are beautiful. Yeah.. we are just jealous. Pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Do you see the frustration? I bet the testosterone prevents it. Sadly... we are sick people.. just one little thing can make us feel worlds better. "Let me watch the spaghetti while you go take your shower!" Oh my goodness... that might get you a booty call! Yep, we are sick people.

Hey Danny, this is probably a very strong hint that the wife needs ya man!

[n2jesus]

What a pot has been stirred with the responses...This post was to the women and it looks like at this point it's 100 percent against the fb relationship. His wife is a wise woman to allow the post, she knew the answer before the question was posed. Now of course I am putting my 2 cents in.

Brian it's your wife you love and your wife is the one that has a problem with this and that should be the end of the subject. How each married couple works out their relationship is for that couple. The bible tells us what works and if we work that plan we will have success if both parties are willing. It takes 2 to have a successful marriage. Selfish people can't have a successful marriage and if what you want or she wants is more important than the good of the marriage it will fail on many levels even if you stay together. Christ is our example and the word says, husbands love your wives as Christ also loved the church and laid down his life for it. I have always believed and still do, that a man that will lay down his life for me is worthy of all the love and respect I have to give. He is the example, the role model per say. Laying down his own life willingly to love me, WOW, is there such a man? Oh yes, Jesus and many other men I have watched in my lifetime who have learned this valuable principle.

When a woman feels secure in her husbands love and that may take time for some women more so than others because of her history, but when we love sacrificially, it will always pay in dividends you can't put a price tag on. If the trust has been broken due to purposeful behavior or ignorance, it begins a downward spiral. Most women don't want their husbands admiring another above her, most woman don't want their husbands having a relationship with a previous girlfriend, especially if intimacy was involved.

And when children come a long it does change for the childrens growing up period of time. You have to plan to keep the relationship a priority and the parties involved have to decide what it means to do that. Man works from sun to sun and a woman's work is never done. The sacrifices you make to nuture your relationship with your husband and your children will show in years to come. I promise you when they are gone you will have your me time and will wish for some of their childhood back.

Your home is your most important ministry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brian if your wife doesn't like it, then just don't do it....It's really that simple...Love her enough to lay down what you want and rest assured you will reap the benefits....

If you want the best marriage...BLESS-EDIFY-SHARE-TOUCH

[RaceRunner]

I will second Dr. Ron's comment that Jealousy is not a good thing.

Jealousy is a symptom of something much deeper, and that needs to be addressed, whether it's insecurity in the relationship, lack of trust, or even past personal failures.

Yes do what you can to serve your wife in this situation, and if that means cutting out the old friend, then do so, but don't let the jealousy stay in the relationship, have some real conversations maybe even counciling. it can poison a relationship.

Who again said she was jealous? Ron? You? Ha!

The man goofed.
His wife called him on it.
He tried to get some sympathy from Jude2.
It didn't work.
Get over it and face it like a man.

[A2JGirl]

It is my job to watch out and protect my marriage, my home, my children and the ministry that involves them all. Satan desires to have all of these things. I have to be on my toes to guard against any satanic foothold.

When I speak of Godly jealousy, it is this EXACTLY that I am meaning. Thank you Shellie for giving me an example.

[RaceRunner]

A wife being uncomfortable with a situation does NOT have to equal jealousy.

As a woman, with spiritual discernment, I may see something in a situation my husband does not. (just as a husband with discernment may keep me from trouble).

I have known this to happen more than once. Men are sometimes blind to seducing spirits. (females can be as well) A helpless single female that needs pastoral "spiritual" help...a sensitive man willing to listen to a tired wife's woes...you get the picture.

It is my job to watch out and protect my marriage, my home, my children and the ministry that involves them all. Satan desires to have all of these things. I have to be on my toes to guard against any satanic foothold.

If I am uncomfortable with a situation, it could equate spiritual discernment and not giving place to the devil instead of jealousy. Being aware of all dangers is not only wise, but Biblical.

Let's try to give Brian's wife a little credit here instead of marking her as a jealous wife with self-esteem issues.

[Pastor Bill]

Do you continually give your wife these compliments as well?

This is my question. I wouldn't feel "threatened" at all if my hubby made a comment like that as long as I was getting lots of compliments from him letting me know that i was the only one for him and that I was more beautiful than anyone else.

Now if I wasn't getting compliments and I didn't feel like I was the only one for him, heck yeah, I would be UPSET!!!

VERY good point, I really don't think this is all about the comment, and that's what Dr. Ron said as well, there are underlying issues that need dealt with, it's not about blaming him or her, but there are things there that are causing some concerns, and some open discussion is essential for any relationship.

[jessicacook]

This is my question. I wouldn't feel "threatened" at all if my hubby made a comment like that as long as I was getting lots of compliments from him letting me know that i was the only one for him and that I was more beautiful than anyone else.

So, are you getting the compliments from your hubby?

I do! I do!

I know he thinks other women are beautiful. But when I am feeling like I am the ugliest woman alive because I haven't had a shower and I have been chasing his kid (ok, our kid) around all day and cleaning the house I don't want to hear how beautiful so and so is who he used to date! I want to hear that I look good!

[jessicacook]

open discussion is essential for any relationship.

Very very true!