My Mother's Day

[jinjer]

I try not to continually put a damper on Mother's day. However, it is a difficult day for me. With my mother being gone for more than 12 years, and having struggled with infertility for more than 10 years in the past, suffering miscarriages, the last being pretty bad. Church services were particularly difficult. Well meaning folks would say hurtful things, because they had never suffered what I had. Then having to face the rituals that churches do to honor mother's, not saying that they shouldn't, but for me it was very difficult to attend. Therefore, as to not dampen the celebrations, I for many years chose not to attend church on Mother's Day.

So, to this year. Some of you know that Jeffery and I have been looking for a church home over the past year or so. Recently, we chose a congregation that we had attended the most because of many things, and after much prayer. So, I decided to give the Mother's Day service a chance. I was so grateful for the Mother's Day gift of the church. Instead of giving flowers or small gifts, they donated money to Save-A-Life (pro-life Christian, crisis pregnancy centers) and an orphanage in honor of all the mother's. For me, it was very touching.

Thanks for letting me share!
Jinjer

[A2JGirl]

That is a beautiful idea Jinger! Thanks so much for sharing. That's something that I will definitely keep in mind for the future.

Although I can't fully understand, I can empathize. Had I not miscarried I would be 3 weeks from my due date.

[free]

These special days like mother's day, father's day, etc. are difficult to plan sermons for. As a pastor you know that there are people in your congregation who don't enjoy these days for a number of reasons. Just yesterday I had at least 4 families who have lost their mother in the last few months and another family whose only child died just a few months ago.

The church you attended did a wonderful thing!

[Pastor Gary]

Jinjer:

Please help those of us tasked with planning such services. Let me just ask some specifics...

• Would it be helpful or hurtful if a church added some sort of ceremonial aspect to a Mother's Day service to mourn the loss of miscarried/stillborn children or to acknowledge in some way those unable to have children/
(I am thinking candle-lighting, moment of silence kind of things...)

• Same kind of questions about honoring mothers who have passed away during some recent period (past year, past 5?)

You can provide valuable insight for us.

[jinjer]

PG wrote:

Jinjer:

Please help those of us tasked with planning such services. Let me just ask some specifics...

For me personally, I did not really want to talk about it or acknowledge the loss publicly. I think for me that it all happened together and made everything feel compounded or multiplied. Things may have been very different for me had I experienced either of these events separately.

Personally, I enjoyed the brief acknowledgment about Mother's Day that our pastor made. Everything was very low key with some humor. Pre-service, there interspersed slides about the worst Mother's day gifts. There was only some brief "Happy Mother's Day" greeting and the mention about the donation made. The message was not about Mother's or women etc. Pastor was beginning a series The Heartbeat of God. This first message was about Jesus calling us Friends. He spoke on the relationship of friendship with God. He did bring up earthly relationships, ie. mothers and children, husbands/wives, etc. But no specific Mother's Day message. The number one thing for me was there was no, stand up mother's and the awkward "your a spiritual mother" comment toward those who didn't stand.

As for Mother's passed away, that one for me is so much easier now than in the past. Even as a fresh wound, I felt there more people who truly knew what I was going through. Honor those that have passed I think is a good idea.

This is only my opinion and what I would like to see where I attend. But that may not work in your congregation. You may want to continue with the Mother's Day traditions and programs. Just because we don't go all out at the church, doesn't mean you can't honor your mother as I know many did.

I don't know if I answered your questions. But perhaps it can start a dialogue.

Jinjer