Tomorrow one of my appointments is a counseling time with a couple very soon to be married - just weeks away. We have been meeting weekly for a while. They are not kids, but it is a first marriage for both.
My plan is to meet this time individually with each of them, make sure we have covered all the tough issues, and wrap it up with some of the "are you sure you're ready" kind of questions. If you were sitting with each of them, what would you include in those questions?
What would YOU ask?
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Pastor Gary
- Kahu Gary, Benevolent Dictator
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What would YOU ask?
"God is excited to show you mercy. He rises to give you His compassion." (Isaiah 30:18)
"For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)
"For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)
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paul
- I can see clearly now!
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Not sure what all you have covered with them so far.
But my one question at this point would be to each of them.
Are you ready for the other person to open their suitcase?
I officiated a funeral earleir this week. I had pastored one of the families there several years ago. They were telling me about their daughters marriage and was telling me that before the honeymoon was over the daughter called her mom and said "something is wrong, He is not the same person I have been dating." The marriage ended within a year.
Everyone brings into a marriage a suitcase that is unpacked. In it are many items from the past, hurts, fears, quirks, personalities traits and family issues, to name a few.
Each one must be prepared, as much as possible, to deal with the luggage and everything that is in them.
But my one question at this point would be to each of them.
Are you ready for the other person to open their suitcase?
I officiated a funeral earleir this week. I had pastored one of the families there several years ago. They were telling me about their daughters marriage and was telling me that before the honeymoon was over the daughter called her mom and said "something is wrong, He is not the same person I have been dating." The marriage ended within a year.
Everyone brings into a marriage a suitcase that is unpacked. In it are many items from the past, hurts, fears, quirks, personalities traits and family issues, to name a few.
Each one must be prepared, as much as possible, to deal with the luggage and everything that is in them.
Last edited by paul on October 22nd, 2009, 4:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
You cannot effectively love and minister to others when you are obsessed with protecting
and preserving yourself.
and preserving yourself.
Quickly...
1) It's not 50/50 relationship. Sometimes it's 90/10.. sometimes it's 10/90 or 60/40. Everybody isn't always operating at full power and the other spouse needs to be able to pick up the slack.. leave the feelings at the door.. leave the self righteous justification. It doesn't matter what your mom or dad does.. etc.
2) Understand that nobody is perfect. Zip, Zero, Nadda. You will screw up. Your spouse will screw up.. so apply the same Grace, Forgiveness, & Understanding to them that you would want given to you.
3) Ownership Issues. If you both have established houses/apartments etc.. sell them both and/or move into a brand new space together. Then neither is "invading your space".... but you both are creating something entirely uniquely new.
4) Understand/Explain the difference between a covenant and a contract. Explain the differences and see which they line up under. Then explain how they should be lining up.
4) Finally as complete covering.. have Christ in the middle of it. A couple seeking after Christ will allow each other the grow, learn, screw up and understand whom they are becoming.
Hope that's not to short...
1) It's not 50/50 relationship. Sometimes it's 90/10.. sometimes it's 10/90 or 60/40. Everybody isn't always operating at full power and the other spouse needs to be able to pick up the slack.. leave the feelings at the door.. leave the self righteous justification. It doesn't matter what your mom or dad does.. etc.
2) Understand that nobody is perfect. Zip, Zero, Nadda. You will screw up. Your spouse will screw up.. so apply the same Grace, Forgiveness, & Understanding to them that you would want given to you.
3) Ownership Issues. If you both have established houses/apartments etc.. sell them both and/or move into a brand new space together. Then neither is "invading your space".... but you both are creating something entirely uniquely new.
4) Understand/Explain the difference between a covenant and a contract. Explain the differences and see which they line up under. Then explain how they should be lining up.
4) Finally as complete covering.. have Christ in the middle of it. A couple seeking after Christ will allow each other the grow, learn, screw up and understand whom they are becoming.
Hope that's not to short...
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rough_rider
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One question I ask
What are 10 things you expect from your spouse out of this marriage?
I give them a week or so to really think about it.
I give them a week or so to really think about it.
In the presence of Jehovah, God almighty, Prince of peace.
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended, in the presence of
The King.
. 
.
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended, in the presence of
The King.
. .-
Pastor Gary
- Kahu Gary, Benevolent Dictator
- Posts: 10475
- Joined: January 28th, 2003, 9:03 pm
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Appreciated
I incorporated some of what you posted into my sessions tonight. Thanks.
"God is excited to show you mercy. He rises to give you His compassion." (Isaiah 30:18)
"For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)
"For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:12)
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